To the supporter who can’t shake a survivor’s story at the end of the day.
To the friend or family member who’s supporting someone through an abusive relationship.
To the teacher who suspects something is wrong at home but doesn’t know what to do.
To the counselor, housing specialist, shelter volunteer, or intern — this letter is for you.
Secondary trauma is real.
In domestic violence prevention work, we see a lot of hurt that isn’t physical. That applies not only to survivors, but also to some who walk beside them. When you support someone through trauma, it can take a toll on your own mental and emotional health. You might feel exhausted, hopeless, angry; and then feel guilty about feeling that way. You may think that you’re not doing enough.
At RESPOND Inc., we know first-hand how heavy this work can be. For over 50 years, we’ve stood with survivors of domestic violence, some that just starting their lives. Every day, we meet young people who have lived through more than most adults can imagine. Many of them are still finding words for what they’ve experienced. Some are parenting, going to school, and surviving abuse at the same time. When you witness this kind of pain, it’s inevitable that you will feel deep sadness.
So, here’s what we want you to know:
You are not alone.
Your compassion is powerful.
And your well-being matters, too.
It’s okay to take breaks. It’s okay to say, “I need help.”
It’s okay to protect your peace while fighting for someone else’s. In fact, it is needed and helpful.
The work of ending domestic violence is not a sprint. It’s a process that takes time; it’s important to take it day by day. It’s not meant for one person’s shoulders. Taking care of yourself allows you the peace you need, and it allows you to help others better.
Self-care looks different for everyone, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Explore what helps you recharge. Whether it’s movement, stillness, connection, or quiet.
And remember, if you’re supporting a survivor and you’re feeling overwhelmed, please know that RESPOND is here. Here for our employees and here for our community. Whether you need information or just need someone to hear you, please reach out.
Because survivors deserve safety and support. And so do you.
With care,
The Team at RESPOND Inc.
Creating a future free from domestic violence, together.
Support Line: (617) 623- 5900
