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What Is Abuse?

Domestic violence looks different for everyone, but at its core, it’s a pattern of behaviors used to gain and maintain power and control over a partner in an intimate relationship.

You may be experiencing abuse if you answer “yes” to any of the following:

Has your partner ever:

  • Hit, kicked, shoved, strangled or hurt you in any physical way?
  • Screamed at you, put you down, threatened, ridiculed or criticized you repeatedly?
  • Been constantly or violently jealous?
  • Punched the wall or broken things in anger?
  • Blamed you for their problems?
  • Used or threatened to use a gun, knife or other weapon against you?
  • Told you no one will believe you?
  • Kept you from seeing your friends or family?
  • Coerced or forced you to participate in sexual acts?
  • Kept your paycheck from you or restricted access to your money?
  • Relentlessly called, texted, IM’d, e-mailed or used other forms of technology to harass you?
  • Followed or stalked you?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you don’t have to face this alone. Call RESPOND (617) 623-5900 and let’s take the next step together.

Domestic abuse can show up in many ways, including but not limited to:

PHYSICAL ABUSE
The intentional use or threats of physical force against a partner that causes or could cause injury, pain, or other physical suffering. More than 10 million Americans are victims of physical violence annually.

Examples:

  • Hitting, punching, kicking, slapping, strangulation
  • Using or threatening use of weapons
  • Harming pets, destruction of property
  • Denying medical care, preventing sleeping and/or eating
EMOTIONAL/VERBAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE
The use of words and actions to control and frighten as a way of breaking down a person’s self-esteem and sense of safety. Over 61 million women and 53 million men have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

Examples:

  • Name-calling, insults, criticism
  • Isolation, shaming, ignoring (silent treatment), extreme jealousy
  • Gaslighting, minimizing, blaming
  • Threatening suicide or self-harm
SEXUAL ABUSE
When someone forces or coerces their partner into sexual activity without consent. Nearly 1 in 10 women (9.4%) in the US have been raped by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

Examples:

  • Rape, sexual assault, threatening harm for denying sex
  • Making someone feel guilty or afraid to say no to sex
  • Refusing to use protection, interfering with birth control
  • Demanding sexual acts that are uncomfortable or painful
SPIRITUAL/CULTURAL/SOCIAL ABUSE
Using a partner’s beliefs, identity, or relationships; targeting the things that matter most to the person such as religion, culture, or community. People from marginalized groups are at higher risk for negative impacts.

Examples:

  • Preventing them from practicing their religion, criticizing their spiritual beliefs
  • Using immigration status to control
  • Isolation from cultural community, friends, family
  • Outing, misgendering
FINANCIAL ABUSE
Controlling money and resources to limit a partner’s options, making it difficult or nearly impossible to support themselves independently. Financial abuse occurs in 99% of domestic violence cases.

Examples:

  • Controlling finances
  • Not allowing their partner to work, interfering with work opportunities
  • Damaging credit by creating debt in their partner’s name
  • Hiding money, financial information/documents
STALKING
Watching, following, contacting, and/or harassing a partner causing fear, stress, and a lack of safety, physically and emotionally. 1 in 6 women (16.2%) and 1 in 19 men (5.2%) in the US have been a victim of stalking.

Examples:

  • Repeated unwanted calls, texts, emails, or social media messages
  • Following, tracking, showing up at places frequented by their partner
  • Using technology to harass and track, using friends/kids to monitor
  • Sending unwanted gifts

Abuse is never your fault.

If you recognize even one of these signs—or if something just doesn’t feel right—you deserve support.

RESPOND is just a call away. We’re here to help you create a plan for your safety and wellbeing.

Call our Support Line: (617) 623-5900, Monday–Friday, 9AM–5PM

If you’re concerned about a friend, loved one, colleague, or family member, you can also call. RESPOND can listen and help you determine the best way to support them.

Information was obtained by: CDC, NNEDV, National Domestic Violence Hotline, Break the Cycle.org

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