You’ve probably heard the term “gaslighting” in recent years—it has become a go-to word for describing a specific kind of manipulation, one that makes someone question their own perception of reality. But where did this term actually come from?
A Word Born from the Stage
Believe it or not, “gaslighting” has its roots in a 1938 play called Gas Light by British playwright Patrick Hamilton. The story follows a husband, Jack Manningham, who slowly convinces his wife, Bella, that she’s losing her mind. One of his many tactics? Dimming the gaslights in their home and insisting that nothing has changed. As Bella begins to doubt herself, Jack tightens his grip, isolating her and asserting more control (Miller, 2018).
(Image Source: ‘A grim study of the morbid’ – Gaslight and Gothic, 2017)
The play was so impactful that it was adapted into two films: a 1940 British version and a more well-known 1944 Hollywood version starring Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer. The chilling story resonated with so many people that the term “gaslighting” eventually made its way into everydaylanguage (Miller, 2018).
From Entertainment to Real Life
While Gas Light was a thriller meant for entertainment, psychologists later adopted “gaslighting” as a real term for emotional abuse. Dr. Robin Stern, author of The Gaslight Effect, defines gaslighting as “a form of emotional abuse that causes the survivor to question their memories, perceptions, and even their sanity” (Stern, 2007). It’s a tactic seen not just in abusive relationships, but also in workplaces, politics, and even media—anywhere people in power seek to distort reality to maintain control.
Common Gaslighting Phrases
Gaslighting can be subtle, but it often follows a pattern of denying, deflecting, and manipulating. Here are some common phrases that are examples of “gaslighting”:
- “That never happened.” – Denying an event took place, even when there’s evidence.
- “You’re just being too sensitive.” – Dismissing valid emotions to make the survivor doubt their reactions.
- “You’re imagining things.” – Making the survivor feel like their perception of reality is flawed.
- “I never said that.” – Denying past statements, even when they were clearly made.
- “You’re crazy.” – Undermining the survivor’s mental stability to discredit them.
- “You’re overreacting.” – Making the survivor feel guilty for having an emotional response.
The Connection to Domestic Violence
Gaslighting is one of the many ways abusers keep survivors trapped in unhealthy relationships. By making their partner doubt their own experiences, emotions, and even sanity, abusers undermine confidence and create dependence. Survivors may feel unsure about reaching out for help because they’ve been made to believe their suffering “isn’t real” or that they’re “overreacting.”
Recognizing gaslighting is an important step in breaking the cycle of abuse. By educating ourselves on these tactics, we take power away from manipulators and empower survivors to trust themselves again.
Sources:
- Miller, J. (2018). Gaslight: The Play That Gave Us the Term Gaslighting.
- Stern, R. (2007). The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life. New York: Morgan Road Books.
