Romantic comedies have long been a beloved genre, offering humor and heartwarming moments. But beneath the charm and swoon-worthy confessions, many rom-coms glorify behaviors that, in real life, can be signs of coercive control. One of the most concerning: Love Bombing.
What Is Love Bombing?
Love bombing is an early-stage manipulation tactic often used by a person inflicting harm. It is used to overwhelm someone with excessive affection, gifts, and attention to gain control. It might look like the ultimate romantic gesture—but it’s a red flag, especially when the affection comes with strings attached.
In teen dating violence (TDV) and domestic violence incidents, love bombing is often the first step in a cycle of control and emotional manipulation. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, love bombing is a tactic used by abusive partners to create emotional dependence and reinforce power dynamics.
The Grand Gesture Problem
Many classic rom-coms feature grand gestures that seem passionate and devoted but, when viewed through a different lens, can be unsettling.
Some involve…
- Ignoring ‘no’: Many rom-com heroes are celebrated for their relentless pursuit of love, even after being explicitly rejected. However, this behavior can signal a disregard for consent. Take The Notebook, for example: at the very beginning of their relationship, Noah refuses to take no for an answer. When Allie declines his suggestion to “go out”, he persistently pushes; he even dangles from a Ferris wheel and threatens to let go unless she agrees. In real life, this isn’t romance; it’s manipulation.
- Declaring love publicly: Grand public gestures, such as making big speeches in front of crowds or at someone’s workplace, may seem romantic, but they can put immense pressure on someone to respond in ways they’re not ready to. In The Graduate, Benjamin crashes Elaine’s wedding, shouting her name from the church balcony in front of her family and friends after she’s already chosen to marry another man. This forces Elaine into an immediate decision. Despite having previously rejected Benjamin, she abandons her new husband and runs off with him. This scenario illustrates how public declarations can create unwanted pressure to act. In real life, this type of behavior is invasive and disrespectful of boundaries.
Image: (Fogs’ Movie Reviews, 2012)
- Over-the-top gifts and affection: Who doesn’t love a thoughtful gift? However, it’s important to recognize that showering someone with extravagant gifts early in a relationship can create a sense of dependency, making it harder for them to walk away later. A well-known example is Pretty Woman, where Edward overwhelms Vivian with expensive gifts—designer clothes, jewelry, and a luxury hotel suite— right away. In real life, this kind of behavior is often less about love and more about trying to establish control or manipulate affection, rather than fostering a genuine connection.
Image: (The Guardian, 2020)
- Showing up uninvited: In many movies, the love interest surprises the protagonist by showing up unannounced at their home, work, or even while they’re on a date with someone else. The movie, Love Actually, a holiday favorite by many, showcases an example of this; Mark shows up at Juliet’s house with cue cards to confess his love, despite her being married to his best friend. While this is often portrayed as a romantic act of persistence, in reality, showing up uninvited like this can cross boundaries and come across as intrusive.
Image: (Today, 2018)
Psychologists warn that love bombing is often followed by intense control, forming a cycle of abuse (Psychology Today: Love Bombing).
The Link to Teen Dating Violence
For teens and young adults, the media often serves as a guide for what love should look like. When love bombing is framed as the gold standard of romance, it can make coercive control feel normal. If young viewers absorb the idea that ‘real love’ means being pursued relentlessly or having their boundaries ignored, they may be more susceptible to unhealthy relationships.
Redefining Romance
Love and romance should be about mutual respect, communication, and consent—not manipulation disguised as passion. Healthy love means:
- Respecting boundaries and personal space
- Accepting ‘no’ as an answer
- Giving partners time to develop feelings naturally
- Valuing consent in all aspects of the relationship
Final Thoughts
Rom-coms are often a fun and lighthearted form of entertainment, but it’s important to recognize the impact they can have on our expectations of relationships. By re-examining how love is portrayed in pop culture, we can begin to shift our mindsets.
Remember, healthy relationships aren’t about grand gestures; they are built on trust, respect, and genuine emotional safety.
For more information on recognizing unhealthy relationship patterns and supporting survivors, visit RESPOND’s resources on teen dating violence and power & relationships.
Sources:
National Domestic Violence Hotline – Love Bombing
Psychology Today – Love Bombing
